Ministerial Spouses Association
Fresh Strength Newsletter
Where Do I Turn for Help?
Question: I need help! My husband, a minister, and I always have had problems communicating. We have been married for 12 years, and I just can’t take it anymore. He gets very angry when I tell him he is not listening to my heart and says I am too emotional and needy. He spends most of the day in his church office, and then comes home for dinner before leaving again to visit or do Bible studies. We have two children who go to school, and they hardly see him. When I tell him we should go talk to a counselor, he responds that he is too busy or that it’s too expensive and says I just need to be less selfish and start doing more for others so I’m not so focused on myself. What do you recommend I do? We live in a small town, and I don’t think there are very many resources in our area. Where do I turn for help? --A Disconnected Ministerial Spouse
Answer: Very often, spouses in situations like yours forego their desire to seek professional help because they fail to engage their spouse to join them. We recommend you seek counseling for yourself, even if your spouse is not interested in doing so at this time. As you reach out for help, your proactive action will cause a ripple effect in your marriage. If you have not already read and completed the 40-day journey recommended in the bestselling book, The Love Dare, by Stephen Kendrick, we recommend you do so prayerfully. Many couples have said that going through the 40-day “Love Dare” was life-changing and unlike anything they had ever experienced before. You mentioned you don’t have many resources in your small town, so we recommend using a search engine on the Internet to locate a Christian counseling center or Christian marriage counselors in your region. A few Internet resources you may find helpful are: http://pastorswives.org; http://www.pastorcare.org; and http://www.clergyrecovery.com.